Doorknobs: Sworn Enemies of Pump Cables

When transitioning to an insulin pump from injections, by far the most foreign concept is that of a cord connecting something in your pocket to something that is inside you. After a couple of days, the strangeness went away and now there are even times where I couldn't tell you which side of my body my site is.

However, there are sinister forces working against the beautiful pairing of person and pump, and foremost among these is the doorknob. The first question a lot of people ask about the infusion set is, "Does it hurt when you take it out? What if it gets ripped out?" After taking a moment to let the wave of sarcasm inside me subside (No, there's a tube inside of me, and even though most people complain about taking off A BANDAID, it feels great when the tube gets torn out!) I tell them that it hurts surprisingly little.

If you're not on the pump, or if you're on the pump but have never had a site accidentally come out, you should know that it hurts surprisingly little. It's definitely not comfortable, but is only slightly more uncomfortable than the aforementioned bandaid. The most painful part, of course, is that now you have to put a new site in. I've probably had a site pulled out six or seven times in the roughly two years I've been on the pump. Every time except for one has been because of a doorknob.

This is the situation that I want you to avoid, because it has happened way too many times to me: It's the middle of the night, you have to pee, and you stumble to the bathroom half-asleep. You have no idea where your feet are stepping, let alone where your pump cable is. And as you step through the doorway, you feel a tug on your hip and see your pump cable hanging from the doorknob. This is one of the times where syringe-users have it easier. In this situation, pump-users, I want you to shake your head a little, blink your eyes a couple of times, and wake up just a bit before walking to the bathroom. Sure, it will take you roughly 74 milliseconds longer to fall asleep once you're cozy back in bed, but this is far better than having to wake up all the way so you can insert a brand new site.

Doorknobs are evil. They are simple and overlooked, and they are jealous of your smart, cherished pump. They will lurk on their doors, trying their hardest to look innocent, but give them one teensy inch of looped pump cable and they will exact their jealous vengeance. It has been six months and counting since my last "doorknob incident", so maybe I've learned my lesson; hopefully now that you're warned you can avoid such incidents of doorknob rage altogether.